At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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