sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
