Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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