There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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