he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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