careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
