Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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