why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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