2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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