I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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