i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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