She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
