Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
tell me about the eggs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
