It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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