Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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