I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize