i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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