I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
