i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize