theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
