i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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