I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
worst night to have a conscience
my shit smells like andre
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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