You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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