I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
