I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize