I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My ass is underappreciated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
