Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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