What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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