i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
