You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
