I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
