I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
