She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
