Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
