were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was born a porn star she said
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
