wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
