he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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