Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
