as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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