Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Farmville is her only friend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
