Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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