***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
