marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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