Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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