Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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