Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
