Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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