That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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