shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
