Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
