Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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