"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
