haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She told me I should be a condom model.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
