So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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