holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
