We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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