guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
