So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
