32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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