Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I am morally bankrupt
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize