and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
