Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
