He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
