I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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