Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
