Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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