one two three fourrrrnication!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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