Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
