I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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