So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
