the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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