i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
