I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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