fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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