I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
