We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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