ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
