I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
