ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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