he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
