apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
