Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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