I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
