I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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