Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
