When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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