yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
