our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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