Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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