The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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