I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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