Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
