at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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