He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
