he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
