I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
