I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
