I can tuck mytits in my pants
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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