She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
