if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
