You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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