Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
