Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
