Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
